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The Trust Rebuild Toolkit

For Couples Rebuilding After Betrayal

Welcome

If you’re holding this toolkit, it probably means your relationship is in a hard place. Maybe trust was broken through an affair, a lie, or a slow drift apart. Whatever it is — you’re here. That takes guts.

This is a guide for couples who want to try. It’s not magic. It’s work. But it’s work that can lead to healing, connection, and a relationship that’s even stronger than before.

1. What Trust Really Means

Trust isn’t just about staying faithful. It’s about knowing your partner is honest, dependable, and emotionally safe. Here are the five building blocks of trust:

Predictability – You act in consistent ways over time.
Dependability – I can count on you when it matters.
Honesty – You’re truthful, even when it’s hard.
Accountability – You own your actions and make things right.
Faith – I believe you love me and won’t purposely hurt me.

Worksheet: Trust Check-In

Each of you should answer these separately, then share.

What does “trust” mean to me personally?
What behaviors make me feel secure?
What actions make me feel unsafe or unsure?
How strong are each of the 5 trust areas in our relationship?

2. What Broke the Trust?

You can’t fix what you won’t name. Whether it was cheating, lies, secrets, porn, money issues, or emotional neglect — be honest about what happened and how it made you feel.

Worksheet: Naming the Break

Write separately, then discuss only if it’s safe.

What happened that broke my trust?
What hurt the most about it?
What’s one fear I now carry?
What would rebuilding look like to me?

3. The Healing Process

Rebuilding trust isn’t one big moment — it’s a thousand small ones. The partner who broke trust must be consistent, honest, and patient. The partner who was hurt needs space, validation, and time.

Each week, ask:

What helped rebuild trust this week?
What hurt or triggered me?
What do we need to improve next week?

4. Emotional Safety

You can’t heal if you don’t feel safe. That means no yelling, no silent treatment, no sarcasm. Just listening, staying calm, and being honest.

Try These Phrases

“I feel ____ when ____ happens. I need ____.”
“Can you just listen for a moment? I don’t need a fix, just understanding.”
“That hurt. I’m not attacking you — I’m trying to be real.”

5. Set Boundaries

Boundaries aren’t punishments — they’re guardrails that protect the relationship.

Worksheet: Our New Agreements

What’s one boundary I need to feel safe?
What’s one boundary I can agree to for my partner?
What’s our plan if these boundaries are crossed?

Examples:

Full phone transparency (for a season)
No contact with certain people
Scheduled check-ins and honesty about feelings

6. Forgiveness & Moving On

Forgiveness is letting go of bitterness so you can heal. It doesn’t mean forgetting, excusing, or rushing. Moving forward may include staying — or deciding to part with peace.

You can forgive without reconciling. You can also reconcile without having forgiven — but it won’t last that way.

Reflection

What does forgiveness mean to me?
What would make me feel safe to move forward?
Am I pressuring myself or my partner to “get over it”?

7. Rebuilding Intimacy

After betrayal, emotional and physical closeness may feel scary. Start small:

Sit closer.
Hold hands.
Have honest daily check-ins (without distractions).

Daily Emotional Check-In

Take 5–10 minutes together:

One thing I appreciated about you today was…
One thing that made me feel close or distant was…
Something I hope for tomorrow is…

8. When to Get Help

Sometimes you're doing all you can, but you still feel stuck. That’s when it’s time to get help. Don’t wait until you’re totally broken down. A coach or counselor can help you sort through the mess and move forward.

At The Marriage Workout, we offer both:

YOUR NOT ALONE!

Closing Words

Rebuilding trust isn’t easy. It’s layered, emotional, and slow. But it is possible. You’re not the only ones who’ve been here — and you’re not the only ones who’ve made it through.

Keep showing up. Keep talking. Keep trying.

You don’t need a perfect marriage. You just need two people willing to do the work.